Christine Koh (CG-Ken Lee, PJN1)

I’m just being reminded and affirmed again of God’s love, and His faithfulness to me. It is a significant gesture to lay down my sins at the cross--in the session ‘Seeing What Jesus Has Done For You on the Cross’--when I decided not to cause another wound on Jesus anymore by remembering my past sins, for there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1a) Else we would have denied the power of the cross.

I’ve always been fearful of being prayed for a prophesy over me because I’m afraid God will expose what I did wrong and reprimand me. So it really touched and warmed my heart when pastor said God would never shame us. I’m especially touched when my prayer partner, Janice, prayed a prayer for me-she saw an image of God holding me in His palm and she said even when I fall, I would still fall in the palm of God! This image spoke volume to me about my doubts, fears and insecurities. When Janice told me not to doubt God anymore, I felt such a great assurance from God to me. The sharing from the pastor about God never shames us has given me a new way of looking at God. Now I have the courage to approach God even when I fall. Because I know if I first take a small step, God will run to embrace me, like the father in the story of the prodigal son.

I learnt that humans are so very broken inside. Every one of us has experienced some form of rejection at one point or the other in life. I realized in the past, I had always tried to cover up my imperfections and deny my desires to be loved and to be affirmed. I pressured myself to excel, fearful of doing wrong; but since I know God truly accept me as who I am, even with my flaws and sinful nature, I could be myself even in my weaknesses, for I know God’s love will heal the brokenness in me.

I could so easily identify myself with the baggage that was talked about in one of the sessions. I realized I’m still carrying my baggage-unforgiveness, pride, anger and easily offended nature. Now as I looked back, I realized once before I had dropped the baggage but somehow I had picked it up again. But thanks be to God, who has sent His son to liberate me from this bondage of sins and baggage. I realize it's a daily surrendering of myself to God and allow him to fill me with His love that I may be forgiving to others. And I know now when I could look at people for their brokenness and incompleteness then I could accept them and love them as how God would love them. I don’t know if I would fully unload this baggage but I know this is something God would want to work in me.

It’s been so wonderful to have joined this BMEW with some of my cg members. There is so much to gain from this special encounter weekend. If you want to have a special encounter with God, you wouldn’t want to miss it!